Tips for Contacting Your Genetic Cousins

DNA testing has revolutionized genealogy, connecting people with long-lost relatives. But with a list of genetic matches in hand, how do you reach out and build meaningful connections? Here’s a guide to entering the world of genetic cousin communication.

 

Before You Message: Understanding the Numbers Game

a woman sitting at a wooden desk.

DNA testing companies provide a centimorgan (cM) value to indicate the amount of shared DNA with a match.

Think of cM values as a mileage marker on your ancestral journey. Higher cM values indicate a closer familial relationship because they represent longer stretches of shared DNA. The more cM you share with someone, the more genetic material you have in common, suggesting a closer ancestral link.

To decipher the meaning behind these cM values, many DNA testing enthusiasts turn to the DNAPainter Shared CM Project, which is considered the gold standard in this field. This project, hosted on DNAPainter | Shared cM Project 4.0 tool v4 with relationship probabilities, offers a wealth of information on interpreting cM values and understanding how much DNA you might share with various relatives.

DNAPainter is popular among DNA enthusiasts for deciphering cM values due to its visualization tools and large, helpful community.

Here’s why DNAPainter is considered the gold standard for deciphering cM values in DNA testing:

Shared cM Project Data: DNAPainter leverages the extensive data collected by the Shared cM Project, a brainchild of Blaine Bettinger, JD PhD, “TheGeneticGenealogist.” This project gathered data from nearly 60,000 testers, establishing reliable ranges of cM values for various family relationships.

Standardized Ranges: The Shared cM Project data provides a benchmark for interpreting cM values. You can estimate how closely you’re related by comparing your cM values with a DNA match to these ranges. The probabilities are based on statistics provided by Leah LaPerle Larkin, PhD, “TheDNAGeek”.

Interactive Tool: DNAPainter, created by Jonny Perl, integrates an interactive version of the Shared cM Project data. This tool streamlines the process of estimating relationships by automatically matching your cM values with probable family connections.

By comparing your cM values with others with documented relationships, you can gain valuable insights into the closeness of your genetic matches.

First cousins typically share between 396 to 1397 cM, with an average of around 866 (cM) of DNA, according to DNA Painter | Shared cM Project 4.0 tool v4 with relationship probabilities.

This wide range accounts for the variability in the amount of DNA that can be inherited. Since cousins inherit DNA from a common set of grandparents through different parents, the amount they share can vary.

This knowledge can be especially useful in genealogy research, helping you piece together your family tree with greater accuracy.

 

Crafting the Perfect Introduction

Crafting the perfect introduction for reaching out to a long-lost relative or a distant cousin is important for making a positive first impression and fostering a meaningful connection. Here’s how you can structure it effectively:

Start with a Greeting: Begin with a warm and friendly greeting. A simple “Hello, [Cousin’s Name]” sets a welcoming tone right from the start.

Introduce Yourself: Briefly introduce yourself, mentioning your name and how you may be related. If you have information on shared genetic markers (cM values) or family surnames, it can add a personal touch and establish common ground.  Always include information about where you tested, the match strength between you and the possible relationships.  This is especially important because for any cM value other than parent/child, there are a range of possible relationships.  You can’t know the exact relationship until you have done the genealogy to complement the DNA findings

State Your Purpose: Clearly state why you’re reaching out. Whether you’re exploring your family history, hoping to collaborate on genealogical research, or seeking help with a specific genealogical puzzle, clarity helps set expectations.  It’s important to be aware that the person you’re reaching out to may be completely unaware of the implications of DNA match strengths and you may be broaching a subject that is unknown, so it makes sense to approach this topic in a sensitive manner.

Offer Something in Return: Express willingness to contribute to the exchange. If you have information or documents related to shared ancestors, mention that you’re open to sharing what you have. This reciprocity fosters a sense of collaboration and mutual benefit.

Keep it Concise: Respect the recipient’s time by keeping your message concise and to the point. Long messages can overwhelm and may not be fully read or appreciated.

End Gracefully: Conclude your message by thanking them for their time and consideration. Express your interest in connecting further to continue exploring your family history together.

 

Respecting Boundaries

a woman sitting by the window.

Respecting boundaries in genetic genealogy is essential, as not everyone may be comfortable or willing to engage with DNA matches. It’s important to approach connections with sensitivity and respect for individual preferences. Understand that some may not respond or may politely decline contact. It’s essential to recognize that not everyone is actively researching their family history or may have personal reasons for not wanting to connect. Being mindful of these boundaries ensures a positive and respectful experience for all involved in the journey of discovering family heritage through genetic testing.

 

Building Connections Beyond DNA

When reaching out to genetic cousins identified through DNA testing, remember that DNA serves as the starting point of a potentially enriching journey. Beyond genetic connections, each contact presents an opportunity to delve deeper into shared interests, family stories, and traditions.

Engaging in conversation may unveil unexpected commonalities—a mutual passion for genealogy, shared cultural traditions, or even an uncanny resemblance to a long-lost relative.

These interactions can foster connections that go beyond mere genetic links, building a tapestry of shared history and personal narratives that contribute to a deeper understanding of one’s familial roots.

 

Building Connections Beyond DNA

two women standing and smiling together.

DNA is just the starting point, the genetic blueprint that connects us to our ancestors and distant relatives. Beyond the strands of DNA lies shared interests, family stories, and traditions waiting to be uncovered. Delving into genealogy opens doors to discovering more than just lineage; it unveils a world where connections are forged through common passions or unexpected similarities with long-lost relatives.

Imagine sitting down with newfound family members and realizing a shared love for history, gardening, or storytelling—the very passions that have shaped both your lives and theirs. These conversations transcend mere genetic markers; they breathe life into family trees, adding branches that reflect shared experiences and aspirations.

Exploring family stories often reveals remarkable parallels: perhaps you uncover a great-grandparent who pursued the same profession or a distant cousin who shares your taste in art. These discoveries not only deepen your understanding of your heritage but also provide a profound sense of belonging—a realization that you are part of a larger narrative woven together by shared history and shared dreams.

This newfound connection through genealogy can be incredibly rewarding, fostering bonds that span generations and geographical boundaries. It transforms distant relatives into cherished family members and transforms genealogy from a mere study of the past into a living, evolving journey of discovery and connection.

 

When You Need Help Unraveling the Mystery

Exploring genetic connections can feel overwhelming, especially for those new to genealogy research. Consider seeking professional help from a team with the expertise to guide you through the process.

DavisDNA and Family Research, located in Tampa Bay, Florida, can be your partner in unlocking your family’s story. Led by managing director Christine Klauberg Davis, our team of experienced genealogists specializes in both traditional and genetic genealogy research. They can help you decipher DNA results, uncover lost family connections, and build a comprehensive picture of your unique family history for generations to come.

With their knowledge and resources, DavisDNA and Family Research can empower you to begin your journey of discovery and connect with the ancestors who shaped who you are.